First, let me say THANK YOU to all of you who posted comments and sent emails about my 'incident'.
I am truly thankful my pain and misfortune brought such joy and laughter into your life...
So...the spiritual side of it all, as promised. (remember, I am not known for my gracefulness OR my DEEP theological insight. If you want that, see the blogs to the right or call my husband!)
As I was lying there with ice on my face, freezing my eyeballs...I remembered the previous week.
We were visiting with friends discussing the INCREDIBLE message (What's In Between Ask & Receive) our good friend Tim Dilena preached on Good Friday at Perfecting Church and the thought he provoked in Genesis 1. GOD created day and night on the FIRST day....HOWEVER....He didn't create the sun and moon until the FOURTH day...when our 12 year old, Brianna, piped up, "Well, John 8:12 says, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness...' " (So proud of her. )
I like how The Message puts it..."I am the world's Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in."
In those early morning moments, the LORD spoke to my heart about how many times in our lives we stumble around in the darkness trying to find our way. Before Christ, always slamming into sin....after Christ....well...He may be the light to our soul, but we don't always CHOOSE to LIVE in HIS light.
Why are we so STUPID about these things?
Well, from my experience in the last three years in the position of ministry GOD has given us...I made a CHOICE that I DID NOT like the DOOR we had come through...and I wanted to turn around and go back through it...and my HEART became a little rebellious.
YES...me...a PASTOR'S WIFE...A WOMAN IN MINISTRY...allowed the sin of rebellion to seep into my heart.
The only praying I found myself doing was "GOD, WHY are we HERE? I don't have any FRIENDS! I am LONELY! I MISS being the 'pastor's wife'. My kids don't like school here" ....yada, yada, yada! After a while, those kinds of prayers do NOTHING for you except push you farther down into the darkness.
I stopped filling my mind and heart with the WORD on a daily basis. You KNOW what happens then... "Your WORD is a lamp that gives light wherever I walk." Psalm 119:105 (Contemporary English Version) ...The LIGHT I had been living in grew dim...
There were times I would cry out to the LORD and repent and do what I KNEW I needed to do even though I didn't FEEL like it...but then I would give up, turn back around and SLAM into that closed door AGAIN.
Choices.
I could have turned on the LIGHT in the bathroom, but didn't want to take the time or disturb Steve's sleep. I CHOSE to stumble in the darkness. The light bulb was working, the switch was there...If I would have just TURNED ON THE LIGHT that usually shines in our night...oh the pain I would have been spared! (fyi...I now have a nightlight in my bathroom!)
It is the same way with our relationship with the LORD...the LIGHT He offers is always there...but we must CHOOSE to flip that switch and ALLOW HIM to provide that light He so LONGINGLY desires to shine on our lives...and oh the pain we will be spared!
What keeps you from flipping the switch in certain areas of your life? Busyness...rebellion...you don't want to disturb others in their slumber...choosing not to because you are afraid of what you will see?
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14 comments:
Miss Carrie, if you read this, I learned this verse in Studio Kids...in case you forgot. Aren't you proud of me???
WOMAN!!! I love you, your transparency, and how much you've allowed God to take you from being a woman of God to teaching others the way to walk!!
But I sure do miss sleeping in the dark. :)
Love you.
Thanks for that...I needed it. God has brought me through so much the last few years and I have a long way to go...I need HIM so I am going to try harder to let HIM in in all areas of my life not just the ones I think I need HIM in!
KARA...I love you. I know there are days that are so difficult. There were times I WANTED to wallow in the darkness...woe is me...and I had to FORCE myself to walk in the light. I had to make that choice! There are still days I have to make myself flip that switch. I KNOW God is going to see you through just as he has me.
Praying for you. Mary Beth
I loved it!! You're quite an inspiration for those of us (me) up here in the wilderness. By the way - LOVE the picture of you and Steve.
Your spiritual application to this unfortunate incident was excellent.
And, I have always thought of you as very graceful. But, it was your trandsparency that really blessed me as I read this blog. I love you MB.
Reginna Osborn
Mary,
What a great word for all of us. Don't short change yourself my dear. God is still using you to minister (just in different ways).
I love you and your family,
Marg
Great blog Mary! Thanks for being so transparent. There are many of us that have experienced similar situations and your sharing encourages us to "get up and keep going." Keep up the good blogging...I find that it is good therapy for me physically, mentally and most of all spiritually. I do have you on my link now.
Love you whole bunchies
Sis
First of all ...Brianna, yes I did read this and I am proud of you, as I always am. You are growing up to be quite a young lady of God.
Secondly, Mary Beth I don't know what else to say except thank you. Your (or rather God's) timing for this specific entry is exactly what I needed to hear. I am really trying to come to a place of joy and peace about where God has me right now, but it continues to be harder than I ever imagined that it could be. At times i feel that it is bringing me closer to God, and there are also the days I feel so far from where I know I should be. Thank you for reminding me to never stop seeking God's will and His plan for my life.
Wow
After reading your application, I feel like the row cheering for LaKisha tonite!! You are amazing, and I for one am so blessed by your talents and gifts and your friendship.
Mary Beth you are wonderful. Always with encouraging stories. Turning on the light - what a wonderful concept. My revelation recently goes along with turning on the light. Prepare for what God has instore for me - turning on the light helps me prepare for what God has for my future. When the light is on I definetly have more confidence in my steps and I do not waiver so easily. Thank you for your words of wisdom.
Hi Brianna
Hey girl, you sure do have a gift for seeing God's hand in the everyday stuff - THANKS for sharing! I finally made it over here to read (yay!) - great blog! Can't wait to see what else you have to share! MISS YOU!!! Talk soon... Love you!
~Beth
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I love the picture of you and Steve also!!!!!! What a beautiful couple!!
I was so impressed by Brinna's answer to the light in darkness. WOW. She amazes me!!!! God is so good!!!!!!!
Thank you for your spiritual message , It was very good for me.
Love you!!!! Linda
I appreciate your honesty. I think a lot of us can relate.
I just clicked in for the first time today and will be a faithful reader! :-)
Now I think Brianna needs a blog...
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