Monday, April 23, 2007

Things That Go Bump...no...Things That Go WHAM! BAM! in the Night - part 1

Last night (Saturday) Brianna was spending the night with a friend. Steve and I were excited because we were going to be able to sleep in the DARK. (Brianna has to have a light on...and it shines around our door...being the PARANOID mom I am I can't sleep with my door totally shut with my kids in the house. I have to be able to hear everything...)


ANYWAY...we couldn't wait to sleep in the dark!

In the middle of the night nature called and I got up to use the 'facilities'. I didn't turn on any lights because I didn't want to lose the Darkness effect.

On my way back to bed, with no glasses on ( I am correctively legally blind...REALLY), groping my way through the darkness...

...WHAM!....BAM!...SLAM!

My NOSE smashed full force right into the bathroom door!

OH THE PAIN! I yelled..."JESUS! OH JESUS!"

My eyes were watering, my head was spinning, my teeth were hurting, I felt like I was going to throw up, and I was SURE my NOSE had inverted and was protruding out the backside of my head.

NOW...my WONDERFUL husband....didn't seem to hear all the commotion...(slamming, banging, yelling, praying....not swearing)...and I needed him.

So as I found the lights, grabbed a towel to tend to my now excruciatingly painful facial features and bleeding nose...I called ever so gently and sweetly to my slumbering mate,
"DO YOU THINK YOU COULD HELP ME HERE??? I THINK I JUST BROKE MY NOSE!!!!!!"

He stumbled into the bathroom and slurred, "I was calling to you asking if you were ok...you must be disoriented. (do ya think???...if my brain wouldn't have been spinning, I would have said..."Who are you and what are you doing in my bathroom?)


SO he said, "What do you need me to do for you?"

"ICE...ICE...I NEED ICE! HURRY!"

All I could think of was showing up at church today...and to the Marriage Retreat we are speaking at this weekend with a HUGE, crooked nose and black and blue face...

My vanity drove me as much as my pain.

SO...he made his way down stairs and brought me the ice pack...or should I say ice BRICK...I use for my back. I laid it on my nose and it balanced like a teeter totter on the bridge of my nose...not touching anyplace in which I was hurting...

I realized at this moment that Steve had NOT been catapulted into the FULLY AWAKE BODY SCREAMING state I had come face to door with and that he was still in that place between asleep and awake...


SO being the good wife...I didn't say anything verbally, like, "wake up sweetie pie...need something here that will MOLD to my face, AROUND my nose...like frozen veges or something"...

REALLY, I didn't want him to feel bad about what he brought for me...so I went down stairs and got a gallon ziploc bag and filled it with ice.

When I returned to bed he was really starting to wake up...and said..."That ice pack will be pliable in a little while...and you know I would have gotten that ice for you..." and then he prayed for me.
(my man...he's awesome when fully awake.)

As I laid there...everytime I moved or groaned...he would wake up..."WHAT DO YOU NEED? ARE YOU OK???"

I knew he had to speak at the Chinese Church today and then had a LONG trip to the north so I said..."You got ice for me, prayed for me...there is nothing else you can do for me. Go back to sleep."

After I received the the caring and attention I needed to soothe my hurting body and ego...I then was ready for "JUST LEAVE ME TO BE ALONE WITH MY PAIN."

SO, from 3 am - 6 am I laid in bed with ice on my face...praying against all the vain imaginings...black eyes, swollen nose, etc...

I finally had to put a towel over my eyes because my eyeballs felt like they were freezing.
Have you ever had FROZEN EYEBALLS???? Very weird feeling...

Well, I got up this morning to NO BLACK AND BLUE...or OUTWARDLY swollen nose...(just on the inside and can't breathe in too well). It is VERY TENDER...and hurts...but PRAISE THE LORD it wasn't worse...or broken.

I have never heard of a jammed nose...but I think I have one.

Through all this I thought...WOW...this would make a great first REAL blog.

AND there is GREAT spiritual application to all of this...(
Sis. Clay, aren't you proud?)

HOWEVER...I am REALLY tired from the chaos of last night...and my NOSE hurts!

SO I am going take some painkillers and go to bed.

I will be SPIRITUAL tomorrow!

16 comments:

Gram Clay said...

Ouch, ouch, ouch...good job Mary Beth on describing your recent calamity. Good job on bringing the spiritual application...life is so full of spiritual ap's that can keep us focused and alert to the presence of Jesus and being aware of His presence makes life so much more bearable.
Hey...maybe Brianna's shining light will save your poor crushed nose from another wham ban!
Sis

Sheila said...

Mary Beth -
Thanks for the laugh. I look forward to reading future entries.
I was reminded of God's faithfulness through the scripture you posted at the top. I'm going adopt it for my life as I just turned 40 this past year.
You're a dear friend!
Sheila B.

AnneMarie said...

I must admit that I walked into the wall about a month ago. It was the worst. I am pretty sure that I broke my toe and I must say that I didn't not make a spiritual application to it. Sorry!

On a sidenote....it is about time you joined us in blogging!

Marg said...

Mary,
I have to admit that after I laughed hysterically from your "graphic description" of the nighttime accident, I was praising the Lord for His protection and that you did not have lots of damage.
Keep blogging and I'll keep reading. Praying for your complete recovery!
Love you,
Marg

secretary extraordinaire said...

Hehe! That was a great, funny story. I'm glad for you that you didn't bruise. I guess maybe now you appreciate that light, huh?

Julie C said...

You lucked out MaryBeth, a few years ago, the night before the hurricane was to hit our area, Chloe (my granddaughter of course) was sound asleep in our bed, being the great grandmother I am, I decided that I could quietly get my shower and my makeup in a place that it could be found and applied in the darkness (you know, hurricanes don't let you keep the comforts), exiting my bathroom into a now extremely darkened room (you know the effect you get after leaving an extremely lighted room) I found, much to my consternation, after making it to the door, that I had somehow inadvertently (being the great grandma) 1/2 way shut the door, guess what, I found out too late. I got a gash on my forehead (that actually looked like I needed stitches, and a black eye (and yes, everyone wondered the next day how bad Larry looked). We have to find these situations humorous, even in immense pain.

Holly said...

so, here is my comment "Comment"! Love you, and glad you survived the "bump" in the night. LOL

Love, Holly

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness, Your blog made me laugh and laugh. Why is it that we often laugh at others
misfortunes? I guess it is just that you told it so cleverly that it made me laugh. It is pretty amazing that your nose didn’t swell and your face didn’t turn black and blue. Well, I hope everything else is going well for you.

Much Love, Reginna

Holly said...

Oh you know. To make you feel better, here's a little "painful" story of my own from yesterday evening.

To make a VERY long story as short as possible. By my own misfortune I managed to cut the bottom of my heel really badly and started to bleed everywhere. Of course the kids were all clamoring around trying to see mommy bleeding partially to death. Well, as I was starting to clean up the wound, I hear a knock at my door. I tried to ignore it because, well, I was bleeding everywhere. Literally, I had blood dripping down my foot. Anyhow, the knock comes again. I hadn't had a chance to cover the wound as I was just started the process. So, I get up, wondering who this could be and apparently is quite important. I have to say it was anything but...

I get to the door to discover a boy no older than 12 with an arm full of books. And he starts on this whole spiele (sp?) about how he is selling books for some fundraising thing he is doing. Well, it turns out they had him trained well in the exact words to use and say and kept going on, while I stand at the door with blood continuing to drip down my foot. Finally, I interrupt and say this is not a good time for me, but I need to go. And he actually continues on, which threw me for a loop (boy was he trained well. Don't take no for an answer). So, finally I interrupt his speech again and say "I am currently injured and dripping blood down my foot as you speak." And of course, he becomes concerned and somewhat sympathetic to me and consoles me by saying, "I am sorry, but..." and he continued on. (Seriously blood is dripping everywhere at this point...lol). So, I once again interrupt him and show him my bleeding foot and say I have to go and take care of this. And still it doesn't shut him up.

If he wasn't such a young child I would have been a bit more rude, like perhaps shutting the door on his, because it was getting weird. So, finally I tell him, "You have to go. I have to take care of my bleeding foot." And this time I step back and start to shut the door, and he still keeps talking and then he says he'll just come back later.

I couldn't believe his persistance. I was like back off! I am bleeding to death right now and I don't care about your books. LOL. So, that was my story.

So, there you get TWO comments from me. How about that?? You should feel special now.

BTW, I manage to stop the bleeding,but it was persistant too, and continued to bleed lightly throughout the night.

Love, Holly

Peggy said...

Ok, I laughed through the entire thing with my hand over my mouth.....is that ok that I laughed. I was just telling Chris how if anything is going to happen it would happen to you. Sorry..... So you're ok now right. You really need to be a writer. You are very good. Love you, Peggy

Hubby said...

Hey honey. I vaguely remember getting you ice. This was Saturday night, right? And no bruising? My prayers must have worked!!!!

Anonymous said...

Like always, my clumsy mama!

Love,
Brianna

Traci Bendele said...

Cute Story, Thank God you were not hurt badly, no broken nose. Looking forward to more blogs!!!!

Becky said...

So...
how did your marriage seminar go? I think it must have rained the whole time we were in Iowa?
Um, I'm also praying that your nose and face heal totally!
Beck

Tami said...

Oh My Goodness.
That is VERY FUNNY :-)
Sorry to laugh at your pain - but, um, it was really funny!
Glad you joined the blogging world. I hope you give us lots to laugh about in the future - however - maybe with a little less personal pain :-)
Blessings,
Tami

Sit A Spell said...

Loved this...no, not the part about the pain and blood and all, but the story. You did a great job painting a picture for the reader. I too must confess to laughter! ; ) Well done...

But...I did notice, the other day, that your nose seemd a bit lop sided! Thought it was my allergy eyes, but now I know!

Bless your heart.

Big hugs and love...Shell