Monday, April 30, 2007

Things that go WHAM - Part 2

First, let me say THANK YOU to all of you who posted comments and sent emails about my 'incident'.

I am truly thankful my pain and misfortune brought such joy and laughter into your life...

So...the spiritual side of it all, as promised. (remember, I am not known for my gracefulness OR my DEEP theological insight. If you want that, see the blogs to the right or call my husband!)

As I was lying there with ice on my face, freezing my eyeballs...I remembered the previous week.

We were visiting with friends discussing the INCREDIBLE message (What's In Between Ask & Receive)
our good friend Tim Dilena preached on Good Friday at Perfecting Church and the thought he provoked in Genesis 1. GOD created day and night on the FIRST day....HOWEVER....He didn't create the sun and moon until the FOURTH day...when our 12 year old, Brianna, piped up, "Well, John 8:12 says, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness...' " (So proud of her. )

I like how The Message puts it...
"I am the world's Light. No one who follows me stumbles around in the darkness. I provide plenty of light to live in."

In those early morning moments, the LORD spoke to my heart about how many times in our lives we stumble around in the darkness trying to find our way. Before Christ, always slamming into sin....after Christ....well...He may be the light to our soul, but we don't always CHOOSE to LIVE in HIS light.

Why are we so STUPID about these things?

Well, from my experience in the last three years in the position of ministry GOD has given us...I made a CHOICE that I DID NOT like the DOOR we had come through...and I wanted to turn around and go back through it...and my HEART became a little rebellious. PASTOR'S WIFE...A WOMAN IN MINISTRY...allowed the sin of rebellion to seep into my heart.

The only praying I found myself doing was "GOD, WHY are we HERE? I don't have any FRIENDS! I am LONELY! I MISS being the 'pastor's wife'. My kids don't like school here" ....yada, yada, yada!
After a while, those kinds of prayers do NOTHING for you except push you farther down into the darkness.

I stopped filling my mind and heart with the WORD on a daily basis. You KNOW what happens then... "Your WORD is a lamp that gives light wherever I walk." Psalm 119:105 (Contemporary English Version) ...The LIGHT I had been living in grew dim...

There were times I would cry out to the LORD and repent and do what I KNEW I needed to do even though I didn't FEEL like it...but then I would give up, turn back around and SLAM into that closed door AGAIN.


I could have turned on the LIGHT in the bathroom, but didn't want to take the time or disturb Steve's sleep. I CHOSE to stumble in the darkness. The light bulb was working, the switch was there...If I would have just TURNED ON THE LIGHT that usually shines in our night...oh the pain I would have been spared! (fyi...I now have a nightlight in my bathroom!)

It is the same way with our relationship with the LORD...the LIGHT He offers is always there...but we must CHOOSE to flip that switch and ALLOW HIM to provide that light He so LONGINGLY desires to shine on our lives...and oh the pain we will be spared!

What keeps you from flipping the switch in certain areas of your life? don't want to disturb others in their slumber...choosing not to because you are afraid of what you will see?

Monday, April 23, 2007

Things That Go That Go WHAM! BAM! in the Night - part 1

Last night (Saturday) Brianna was spending the night with a friend. Steve and I were excited because we were going to be able to sleep in the DARK. (Brianna has to have a light on...and it shines around our door...being the PARANOID mom I am I can't sleep with my door totally shut with my kids in the house. I have to be able to hear everything...)

ANYWAY...we couldn't wait to sleep in the dark!

In the middle of the night nature called and I got up to use the 'facilities'. I didn't turn on any lights because I didn't want to lose the Darkness effect.

On my way back to bed, with no glasses on ( I am correctively legally blind...REALLY), groping my way through the darkness...


My NOSE smashed full force right into the bathroom door!


My eyes were watering, my head was spinning, my teeth were hurting, I felt like I was going to throw up, and I was SURE my NOSE had inverted and was protruding out the backside of my head. WONDERFUL husband....didn't seem to hear all the commotion...(slamming, banging, yelling, praying....not swearing)...and I needed him.

So as I found the lights, grabbed a towel to tend to my now excruciatingly painful facial features and bleeding nose...I called ever so gently and sweetly to my slumbering mate,

He stumbled into the bathroom and slurred, "I was calling to you asking if you were must be disoriented. (do ya think???...if my brain wouldn't have been spinning, I would have said..."Who are you and what are you doing in my bathroom?)

SO he said, "What do you need me to do for you?"


All I could think of was showing up at church today...and to the Marriage Retreat we are speaking at this weekend with a HUGE, crooked nose and black and blue face...

My vanity drove me as much as my pain.

SO...he made his way down stairs and brought me the ice pack...or should I say ice BRICK...I use for my back. I laid it on my nose and it balanced like a teeter totter on the bridge of my nose...not touching anyplace in which I was hurting...

I realized at this moment that Steve had NOT been catapulted into the FULLY AWAKE BODY SCREAMING state I had come face to door with and that he was still in that place between asleep and awake...

SO being the good wife...I didn't say anything verbally, like, "wake up sweetie pie...need something here that will MOLD to my face, AROUND my frozen veges or something"...

REALLY, I didn't want him to feel bad about what he brought for I went down stairs and got a gallon ziploc bag and filled it with ice.

When I returned to bed he was really starting to wake up...and said..."That ice pack will be pliable in a little while...and you know I would have gotten that ice for you..." and then he prayed for me.
(my man...he's awesome when fully awake.)

As I laid there...everytime I moved or groaned...he would wake up..."WHAT DO YOU NEED? ARE YOU OK???"

I knew he had to speak at the Chinese Church today and then had a LONG trip to the north so I said..."You got ice for me, prayed for me...there is nothing else you can do for me. Go back to sleep."

After I received the the caring and attention I needed to soothe my hurting body and ego...I then was ready for "JUST LEAVE ME TO BE ALONE WITH MY PAIN."

SO, from 3 am - 6 am I laid in bed with ice on my face...praying against all the vain eyes, swollen nose, etc...

I finally had to put a towel over my eyes because my eyeballs felt like they were freezing.
Have you ever had FROZEN EYEBALLS???? Very weird feeling...

Well, I got up this morning to NO BLACK AND BLUE...or OUTWARDLY swollen nose...(just on the inside and can't breathe in too well). It is VERY TENDER...and hurts...but PRAISE THE LORD it wasn't worse...or broken.

I have never heard of a jammed nose...but I think I have one.

Through all this I thought...WOW...this would make a great first REAL blog.

AND there is GREAT spiritual application to all of this...(
Sis. Clay, aren't you proud?)

HOWEVER...I am REALLY tired from the chaos of last night...and my NOSE hurts!

SO I am going take some painkillers and go to bed.

I will be SPIRITUAL tomorrow!


Well, I have FINALLY entered the blog world. I am not quite sure how it all works or how well I communicate through writing...but I guess time will tell.

JT, Kim, & Brad, for VOTING on JT's blog for me to do this.

I will be calling YOU for do I put my picture on this thing?

....for feedback....DID I REALLY WRITE THAT????

...and does it sound as STUPID to you as it does to me? ( to which you will reply..."NO! IT IS GREAT!!!)

So here is my first post. I decided I had better write it before the Back Forty turns into the Back Fifty!