Thursday, November 29, 2007

I NEED MY SPACE!

THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS TRUE!

THE NAMES HAVE NOT BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT ...because I didn't know her name. I will call her 'A.L.F" ..."Annoying Little Female".


As we boarded our airplane at 1:45 am...I was in the middle seat and Steve in the aisle. We were PRAYING diligently that the window seat would be miraculously left vacant. Our prayers were to no avail...the flight was full...EVERY LAST, Space deprived seat.

A petite,
40 something lady..AKA..A.L.F... smiled and stood at our row...indicating our window seat was hers. SO...as she held up traffic trying to put her luggage in the already full overhead compartment...Steve finally told her she probably had to take it further back. She did...still holding up a line of weary, irate passengers who just wanted hurry up and sit down and wait. She came back to the seat and then announced to everyone that she had to go the bathroom. (surprise...since all the restrooms in the terminal had been shut down...) She turned to go BACK to the front to use the facilities and was greeted with LOOKS from those in que ...and decided she would wait until the plane is loaded. SMART MOVE!

Well...as she climbs over us to get to her seat...she settles in. Remember it is close to 2 am...Everyone is seated and trying to get some shut-eye...and A.L.F. pulls out a plastic grocery bag and begins to rattle it around while she searches for her tr
easure ...I didn't know a plastic grocery bag could be so extremely intrusive in the middle of the NIGHT... Well she pulled out her orange...proceeded to wrestle with the extra tough skin...the aroma of the orange permeated the cabin of all the passengers who received their food vouchers AFTER the restaurants closed...when the sweet smell reached their nostrils...it reminded them of the hunger pains rumbling around in their bellies.

After the orange...she decided it was time to go to the bathroom. We were almost ready to take-off...and here she comes...climbing over us to get out. She did it so quickly I was forced to kneel on top of the seat...in which doing so...I scraped my knee on the SEAT BELT and started BLEEDING. All I could think of was...I better get this covered or I will get MRSA!


She is 'going' for an eternity....the fight attendants are waiting to give the all clear...others who were waiting in line to relieve themselves before take-off were INVITED to go into first class and go since A.L.F. is taking SO LONG to finish her business.
She comes back...climbs over....and I am realizing this is going to be a LONNNNNGG flight!

We finally take off when Annoying Little Female is settled in.
As we are in the air and trying to sleep...A.L.F. decides to read. That is OK EXCE
PT when she began reading she leaned WAAAAYYYYY over on...I mean INVADING my already claustrophobic airplane space. Steve leaned around me and gave her that 2:30 a.m, sleep deprived, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, LADY?' look. I leaned WAY over on him and she was STILL touching me. I think she got the idea and leaned toward the window...BUT NO...THAT wasn't comfortable...THE RETURN OF THE SPACE INVADER....left arm holding the book....elbow in my ribcage...the weight of her intrusive body all on my right side...she was putting so much pressure on my shoulders and arms I could hardly breathe. MORE LOOKS....NOT SO PATIENT SIGHS and MOVEMENTS....

The weariness of the hour is causing me to UNRAVEL. I prayed...breathed deeply 'in the nose and out the mout'h and finally pleaded..."GOD...if you don't move this woman OFF OF ME...I am going to smack her!" I know I should have been thinking of ways to tell her about Jesus....BUT trust me...it was NOT the time!

SPACE INVASION WOMAN finally decides to go to sleep. THANK THE LORD! She curled up in a little ball...face towards me...I turned towards Steve. After a little while, our sleeping contortionist decides to turn the other
way.

SO ...GET THIS....
She can't put her feet down because of all her stuff...SO...she proceeds to lift her shoeless f
eet OVER the seat in FRONT of her....in the process she KICKED THE HEAD of the lady sitting there! I AM NOT JOKING...OR EXAGGERATING!

Cirque Du Soleil performer was oblivious...because she settled back in and snoozed until the end of the flig
ht.

You should have seen the look on the face of the lady who got whacked in the head!

When we had exited
the plane and were walking toward baggage...I saw the lady who got the foot upside her head. I asked her, "What did you think when the woman in the seat behind you KICKED you in the HEAD?" She replied, "I thought, How in the world did she get her feet up that high????"

We were praying this was not the precursor of the things to come on our long awaited vacation.
It wasn't...we had a great time...AND we were bumped up to FIRST CLASS on the flight home.

I guess the only spiritual application from this...is patience and self control...you pray for it...God answers!!!!

4 comments:

Tami said...

It always amazes me that people can either be so clueless about those around them or so rude to not care. Funny story. Sorry for your pain :-)

Darlene said...

Mary, did you forget that when you pray for patience and self-control that God gives you events that allow you to exercise those fruits of the spirit? Otherwise prolonging those experiences you wish to avoid.

It's good to know that God has a sense of humor. Lord, help us to use ours when these situations arise.

Darlene

Cheryl said...

I love reading your blog, but your travel woes make me shiver at the prospect of flying again. Maybe my week-long Norwegian cruise where Steve and I were so ill we could hardly stand up has a funny side after all! There's nothing like waiting HOURS in a crowded Miami airport with thousands of other passengers spread wall to wall and being too sick to even stand up, after a week of being sick at sea, to tickle the funny bone!

AnneMarie said...

I love people! They seriously crack me up. I bet that this woman was probably clueless that she got on everyone's nerves.

See, I would of waited until she was really really close to falling asleep. Then I would tap on her shoulder and start an intense conversation with her just for the heck of it. ;)