I NEED MY SPACE!

THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS TRUE!

THE NAMES HAVE NOT BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT ...because I didn't know her name. I will call her 'A.L.F" ..."Annoying Little Female".

As we boarded our airplane at 1:45 am...I was in the middle seat and Steve in the aisle. We were PRAYING diligently that the window seat would be miraculously left vacant. Our prayers were to no avail...the flight was full...EVERY LAST, Space deprived seat.

A petite, 40 something lady..AKA..A.L.F... smiled and stood at our row...indicating our window seat was hers. SO...as she held up traffic trying to put her luggage in the already full overhead compartment...Steve finally told her she probably had to take it further back. She did...still holding up a line of weary, irate passengers who just wanted hurry up and sit down and wait. She came back to the seat and then announced to everyone that she had to go the bathroom. (surprise...since all the restrooms in the terminal had been shut down...) She turned to go BACK to the front to use the facilities and was greeted with LOOKS from those in que ...and decided she would wait until the plane is loaded. SMART MOVE!

Well...as she climbs over us to get to her seat...she settles in. Remember it is close to 2 am...Everyone is seated and trying to get some shut-eye...and A.L.F. pulls out a plastic grocery bag and begins to rattle it around while she searches for her treasure ...I didn't know a plastic grocery bag could be so extremely intrusive in the middle of the NIGHT... Well she pulled out her orange...proceeded to wrestle with the extra tough skin...the aroma of the orange permeated the cabin of all the passengers who received their food vouchers AFTER the restaurants closed...when the sweet smell reached their nostrils...it reminded them of the hunger pains rumbling around in their bellies.

After the orange...she decided it was time to go to the bathroom. We were almost ready to take-off...and here she comes...climbing over us to get out. She did it so quickly I was forced to kneel on top of the seat...in which doing so...I scraped my knee on the SEAT BELT and started BLEEDING. All I could think of was...I better get this covered or I will get MRSA!

She is 'going' for an eternity....the fight attendants are waiting to give the all clear...others who were waiting in line to relieve themselves before take-off were INVITED to go into first class and go since A.L.F. is taking SO LONG to finish her business. She comes back...climbs over....and I am realizing this is going to be a LONNNNNGG flight!

We finally take off when Annoying Little Female is settled in. As we are in the air and trying to sleep...A.L.F. decides to read. That is OK EXCEPT when she began reading she leaned WAAAAYYYYY over on...I mean INVADING my already claustrophobic airplane space. Steve leaned around me and gave her that 2:30 a.m, sleep deprived, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, LADY?' look. I leaned WAY over on him and she was STILL touching me. I think she got the idea and leaned toward the window...BUT NO...THAT wasn't comfortable...THE RETURN OF THE SPACE INVADER....left arm holding the book....elbow in my ribcage...the weight of her intrusive body all on my right side...she was putting so much pressure on my shoulders and arms I could hardly breathe. MORE LOOKS....NOT SO PATIENT SIGHS and MOVEMENTS....

The weariness of the hour is causing me to UNRAVEL. I prayed...breathed deeply 'in the nose and out the mout'h and finally pleaded..."GOD...if you don't move this woman OFF OF ME...I am going to smack her!" I know I should have been thinking of ways to tell her about Jesus....BUT trust me...it was NOT the time!

SPACE INVASION WOMAN finally decides to go to sleep. THANK THE LORD! She curled up in a little ball...face towards me...I turned towards Steve. After a little while, our sleeping contortionist decides to turn the other way.

SO ...GET THIS.... She can't put her feet down because of all her stuff...SO...she proceeds to lift her shoeless feet OVER the seat in FRONT of her....in the process she KICKED THE HEAD of the lady sitting there! I AM NOT JOKING...OR EXAGGERATING!

Cirque Du Soleil performer was oblivious...because she settled back in and snoozed until the end of the flight.

You should have seen the look on the face of the lady who got whacked in the head!

When we had exited the plane and were walking toward baggage...I saw the lady who got the foot upside her head. I asked her, "What did you think when the woman in the seat behind you KICKED you in the HEAD?" She replied, "I thought, How in the world did she get her feet up that high????"

We were praying this was not the precursor of the things to come on our long awaited vacation. It wasn't...we had a great time...AND we were bumped up to FIRST CLASS on the flight home.

I guess the only spiritual application from this...is patience and self control...you pray for it...God answers!!!!

Leavin' on a Jet Plane...or NOT

OK...To avoid my downfall of too much detail... I will try to make this as non-wordy as possible...

When we left for our cruise we were supposed to fly out at 9 pm Friday night.... Well...we were DELAYED! During the delay here is what happened.

1. The poor girls behind the counter were taking major flak from everyone...and it wasn't their fault.

2. STEVE was nice to them and we received food vouchers at 10:30...before everything closed at 11 pm. ALMOST EVERYONE ELSE got theirs at 11 pm.

3. Those girls also assured us a seat on the 9 am Sat. morning flight if we didn't get out on Friday. Right after that...they informed all the irate, belligerent passengers that the 9 am flight was full! ( it pays to be nice.)

4. While waiting in the terminal...we were people watching. We observed...

• The big mouth, big headed 30 something man who must have really needed attention because he was talking on his phone from 8:30 pm...and was still talking as we were boarding the plane hours later...communicating in an decibel level for the whole airport to hear..."I can't believe this...blankety, blank, blank....complaining and rehearsing over and over with everyone in his phone book...our situation...for 5 HOURS...without a breath."

• The teenage girls running through the Northwest terminal...I think one of their moms sent them on a scavenger hunt...just to get the giggling and screeching adolescent behaviors out of earshot of all the weary passengers. Of course when they returned at 1 am with their list completed...we all were ever so gently awakened from our comfortable airport terminal seats like an electroshock treatment.

• The 50 something man who...instead of whistle while you work...He decided to "Workout while you WAIT." He proceeded to the moving walkway...(BY THIS TIME THE AIRPORT WAS DESERTED EXCEPT FOR OUR FLIGHT!) and began to walk against the flow...INSTANT TREADMILL! He started a trend...a few others joined in...then a couple ran UP the down escalator...until they shut it down...

• You had the people napping...as much as they could...the complainers still harassing the counter agents ...the one who were laughing, telling jokes and making the most of the situation...the older gentleman traveling alone also going on a cruise...except his left on SUNDAY...he said he has learned...GO as EARLY as possible!

5. 12 am ...we were watching the big screened TV and like Cinderella...right at MIDNIGHT the TV magically DISAPPEARED!

6. We are sitting in those chairs that have ARMS between EVERY SEAT...meaning no one can lie down....some laid on the floor but not this germ-a-phobe! NO...I will stick it out in the seat made of brick...feet propped up on my carry on.

7. Airport terminal temperature automatically plummets after 11 pm...because it was like Antarctica in there! No way to get warm...except walk on the 'treadmill.'

8. Airport Bathrooms also shut down at 12 midnight...EVEN WITH PASSENGERS AROUND!

When they tell us we will be boarding in a few minutes...we decide to use the "facilities." So, off I go the restroom right by our gate...I turn to walk in the door..and I am greeted by a BIG YELLOW TAPE...CLOSED FOR CLEANING! So, I briskly walk to the other end...just before it is CLOSED for cleaning...I returned and Steve went to the far restrooms...too LATE...CLOSED COME BACK TOMORROW...so he walks back to the one near us...CLOSED...DON'T COME BACK!

HELLO...there are still PEOPLE IN HERE...and we all still are subject to the CALL OF NATURE!...we can't SHUT DOWN like the rest of the airport.

SO Steve just has to hold it until the plane.

9. At 2 am...we finally took off and landed at 5:00 a.m. Got to our hotel and in bed at 6 am...got up at 10 a.m. and left for the port.

10. Next blog...the lady who sat next to us on the plane! Whoa, Nellie! It is a must read.

( I failed in my attempt for a shorter blog...if at first you don't succeed...)

Back to Reality. UGH!!!

I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks and here is the reason.

Steve and I just returned from a two week...count em....TWO WEEK CRUISE in the Caribbean...with no phones, or Internet except for emailing the kids a few times.

It was wonderful. We did have our blog-worthy moments which I will attempt to post over the next week or so...some funny...some frustrating...some romantic....AWWWW!

Picture from Formal Night

I would just like to express my love and gratitude to my hubby of 23.5 years for planning this wonderful time away.

Steve, the guy who wore my pants, wrote me a love letter for every day we were gone. It was quite a scene to be sitting at dinner reading a letter with tears streaming down my face, mixed with laughter and smiles...and my heart expanding so much, you could see it through my clothing.

What a man I married. To plan, think, write, search our 23 years together and put into words all those thoughts, feelings, and memories.(NOW...all the females reading this will forward to the men in their lives with the subject line reading...HINT! HINT! )

AND I would like to say thanks to my mom and dad for keeping Brianna for two weeks...taking her to Amish country...letting her bake and bake and cook and cook...the pumpkin pies and brownies were delicious...and keeping up with her and all of her planning and ideas...and encouraging her school work.

I was nervous about leaving her for two whole weeks but she told me, "MOM...I am going to be with Grandma and Grandpa. I will have a blast! You know they cater to me and I get whatever I ask for! I get spoiled!"

And that she did. AND that is what Grandparents are for! Thanks for being great ones.

More later...I have laundry to do!!!!!!